On Saturday February 6, 2016, it will be 4 months since you’ve passed away. But it will also be my 19th birthday. There’s nothing I want this year except for something I know I definitely won’t be able to get. I want nothing more than for you to come back. There’s not a single day that goes by where I don’t think about you. Not a single day has passed where I haven’t cried a little because you aren’t here. I think about all of the things I’ve done in that short amount of time that you don’t know about and I so badly want you to know about them. I can’t even begin to fathom that you’re not here because it doesn’t seem real yet and quite frankly, I don’t know if it ever will seem real. I’m a firm believer than I’ll see you again but it’s not fair that we have to wait so long. I just wish that you could be here and we didn’t have to wait until I joined you.
You were always my biggest supporter and my biggest cheerleader. You always believed in my a thousand times more than I believed in myself and the amazing thing was that you actually believed in me. I knew that you would always be there for me if I needed it. Your cooking was so good and I wish you taught my mom to cook like you (sorry mom). I miss going over to your house and always being greeted with a smile. What I think I miss the most is knowing all of the things you’ll never get to see me do. You’ll never see me graduate college, you’ll never see me get a “big girl” job, you’ll never see me get married, there’s so many things that I’ll never get to share with you that I want to share with you so bad.
I hate that your life got cut short because of this bitch named cancer. I hate that you weren’t ready to go. I don’t get why I was the last one your had a conversation with. I don’t get it and it doesn’t make sense. I feel honored but a bit bad almost because why me? I didn’t do anything special to be the last one you talked to. But I’m thankful I got to be the last one to hear your voice.
I just miss having a best friend all of the time. I miss you so much. I miss talking to you and hearing your voice in person. I miss seeing you.