[verb kuh n-flikt; noun kon-flikt]
verb (used without object)
1. to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance,or in opposition; clash:


I love concrete answers. I love when somebody can answer a question with a simple yes or no. I think for me I like that because it means that person feels so strongly about their answer and that doesn’t lead to any confusion for either party.

I think gray areas often lead to a lot of confusion which can lead to a lot of disappointments. Often I find that when things tend to be more in the gray spectrum, I end up more disappointed than I would have if the answer was a simple no. I so often find myself getting my hopes up that when things do end up being gray, I assume that it’s a yes. So then in my head, I don’t even really think of the possibility that it could be no. Even if I do think to myself “okay this probably won’t happen” I still tell myself that its going to happen. But when things are so clear and they are black or white, it’s easy to know how to feel. You don’t often find yourself feeling conflicted when you have a definite answer bemuse the answer is right there for you. You often don’t have much deciding to do when it’s given to you. But life isn’t like that. We live in the gray moments and those moments make us who we are and they define us.

Life is gray. Life is feeling conflicted a lot of the time and trying to not let it consume you because if you let it, you’ll end up crazy.The feeling of being conflicted can chew you up and spit you right out. I live in a perpetual state of “what if”. What if this happened? What if that happened? What if? That’s how I am. I’m always questioning how things would be if something had been different but that’s not the way to live. But what do you do when both of your options seem right? What do you do when something you’ve waited for forever finally happens but you don’t know what to do?

Even if the answer is so clear of what to do, it can still cause a feeling of being conflicted. It’s when both things are so right and you want both but you can’t have both. Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. You can’t have two things.  You can’t always have your cake and eat it too. It’s like when someone tells you that a person is bad for you but you want it anyways. Life throws curve balls at you that you never thought would happen but we don’t have the option to stop that from happening. We have to be prepared for everything and anything to happen. Life is so unpredictable. Life is gray.


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