Holiday Lookbook 2018

Holiday Lookbook 2018

Hey guys! I’m sharing my holiday lookbook with you all and I’ll talk through each outfit so you kind of have a better understanding. I choose to pick a few different outfits from Zara and Revolve. I love Zara because for the most part, its pretty affordable. For Revolve, I love it because they have so so many different brands and basically I want everything on the website. I tried to reuse different pieces from each brand so that you can see how you can use pieces different ways but I also tried to include a few basics like black jeans, white shoes, heels, etc that you can use from your own closet!

Zara:

1
Day: Left
Zara beaded fringe sweater | $69.90
High rise straight cut jean in black | $39.90
High heeled leather ankle boots | $99.90
Mini City Bag with Round Closure | $69.90
Night: Right
Zara beaded fringe sweater | $69.90
80’s high waist jeans in black | $49.90
Animal print leather heel | $89.90
Marbled Minaudière | $69.90

I picked this sweater from Zara to use as the key transitioning piece because it looks so cozy for the day time but also super easy to transition to a going out look. For day time, I paired this sweater with a super casual pair of straight leg jeans which I’ve been living in recently because they’re really comfortable. I have the black booties that I paired this look with and love they look with an outfit. For night-time, I switched the bag, jeans and shoes to create a more elevated look. I swapped the straight leg jeans for a pair of high-waisted skinny black jeans, something I also live in and a pair of leopard heels! I think the leopard adds a really fun element to this outfit and gives it something without trying too hard. The red clutch is a super easy way to add a pop of color with it being pretty minimal and not too in your face.

2
Velvet Jacket | $149
Animal Print Bodysuit | $49.90
80’s high waist jeans in black | $49.90
Marbled Minaudière | $69.90
Squared Broche Earrings | $19.90
Black Leather Heel | $69.90

Call your man, it’s date night! I wanted to pick an outfit that you’d be comfortable in but also look really cute. Staying with the same skinny jeans from my day to-night outfit, I pair this leopard bodysuit with a velvet blazer. I’m loving animal print this season and it’s pretty much anywhere you look. Throwing a blazer over your top and leaving it open gives a really put together look but again, not trying too hard. By mixing the velvet and leopard, it creates a really fun look! I also used the same red clutch from the day to night look because I really love a pop of red and find it really easy. I kept the earrings simple and choose a gold broche looking pair but you could easily wear gold hoops!

3
Fringed Dress | $49.90
Geometric Print Minaudière | $69.90
Triangular Pendant Earrings | $19.90
Black Leather Heel | $69.90

Whether you’re hitting the town with some friends or going to a get together, this look has you covered! This black fringe dress is my favorite because I love the way it moves, as you can see from the picture. I choose a black pair of heels to keep the base simple but then picked a really fun geometric colorful bag to go with it! To tie in the bag, I picked a geometric looking pair of earrings with similar colors.

4
Ombre Sequin Dress | $119
Beaded Crossbody Bag | $69.90
Jewel Earrings | $19.90
High Heeled Vinyl Sandal | $49.90

Okay now if you have plans where you’re wearing an outfit like this please let me know so I can tag along. Who doesn’t love a sequin midi dress? Sign me up and give me an excuse to wear this. I figured its New Years Eve so I wanted to do a pretty out there look at least once on this post. If this isn’t your style, you may like the Revolve option better! I saw this sequin midi on the Zara website and knew I had to include it. To keep this very extra look, extra I choose a sequin bag and sparkly earrings but kept the shoes simple to keep the eyes looking up at the real masterpiece, the dress. The bag and the earrings could easily be used for the more casual NYE look from Zara as well.

5
Day: Left 
1. STATE Mixed Cable Knit | $119
NBD x Naven Zara Pant | $148
Rebecca Minkoff Backpack | $245
Wanderlust + Co Lunette Earring | $29
Joie Dabnis Stripe Sneaker | $298
Night: Right
Lovers + Friends Bodysuit | $88
NBD x Naven Zara Pant | $148
Sancia Mieke Clutch | $194
Wanderlust + Co Lunette Earring | $29
Kendall x Kylie Bootie | $160

For this day to-night look, I wanted to pick a fun pair of pants that could be used in a few different ways. While I didn’t use these pants in an outfit for the office, you totally could! For the day outfit, I kept it simple with a super cozy white turtle neck sweater and these platform white sneakers. Again, feel free to use any white sweater/white sneakers you have in your closet. I also pair this look with a black backpack because 1) I find them super cute and 2) they’re really great for throwing on while you’re running errands! For the night-time look, I switched the white turtle neck for a fun black bodysuit that would also look good with my date night look! Switched the sneakers for a pair of white booties which I’m sure you all have by now but I really love the zipper detail on these. I used this clutch a few times but I really love the fringe detail on it! To tie in the gold chain on the bag, I used these horn looking earrings.

6
H:ours Slater Bodysuit | $148
Levi’s 501 Skinny | $98
Sancia Mieke Clutch | $194
8 Other Reasons Hella Hoop | $33
Stuart Weitzman Nudist Heel | $425

This look can be used for date night or for a night on the town with your friends! I’m obsessed with this bodysuit and I think that the sparkles makes it extra festive this holiday season. I pair it with a pair of Levi’s 501 jeans. If you don’t have a pair please run out and buy some right now. Or go buy these from Revolve because you’ll wear them every single day like I have been. To enhance the gold on the top and the earrings, I picked a pair of gold heels. Yes, these are $425 Stuart Weitzman heels that I would never make you buy but I live in my Stuart Weitzman heels and if you’re wanting to invest, I probably wouldn’t suggest gold but these are still really fun! You can use any gold heel that you like.

7
NBD Smyth Dress | $218
8 Other Reasons Hella Hoop | $33
Schutz Cadey Lee Heel | $170
Rebecca Minkoff Leo Clutch | $95

This is my sparkly more casual look for New Years Eve and let me just say, I’m OBSESSED with this dress and if there’s one thing you buy, please buy this dress and rock the hell out of it. I picture this look with either a super sleek high pony or your hair behind your ears. I switched up the bag for a more simple option and choose to keep the shoes simple as well. I find that with a dress like this, I really like to keep my shoes simple but you can totally go crazy if you choose! You can’t really tell but the sparkle in the dress is sort of gold so I wanted to bring that out with the detail on the clutch and the earrings.

8

NBD Smyth Dress | $218
8 Other Reasons Hella Hoop | $33
Schutz Cadey Lee Heel | $170
Rebecca Minkoff Leo Clutch | $95

Now, for all of you who didn’t like my formal Zara look, this one is probably more you’re style! I love this dress and if you saw pictures from when I competed at Miss Missouri USA, I wore a mini dress that had a similar top and a jumpsuit for check in with a similar top. I kept the same heels and clutch that I used in my more casual look but opted for a fun pop of color with the earrings.

I hope you liked the looks I put together for this holiday lookbook and if there’s anything else you want to see or want outfits for, let me know and I’d be more than happy to do that for you! Like I said a few times, don’t rush out and buy pieces from here when you have something similar already. I have about two pairs of jeans that I only wear because I love them and I’m a big fan of using pieces again in different ways.

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Everything or Nothing.

Everything or Nothing.
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‘Everything’ T-Shirt

I think for me, a lot of things are either everything or they’re nothing. I’m very much a “label” kind of girl. I like to know what’s going on, I like to know how you feel and I wanted to know it about a week ago so if you haven’t told me, you’re behind schedule. I’m also very much a “let’s move this forward” type of girl. I don’t like to linger in the unknown because 1) it freaks me out and 2) anything can happen at this point. Are there other girls? I don’t know, but you can bet that I’ll ask. Are things going to be over tomorrow? I hope not because I’ve planned a secret relationship in my head and that breakup would be tragic. So yes, it’s either everything or it’s nothing. I’m fine with whatever, you just need to let me know so I can prepare myself for this and not let the relationship in my head progress if we aren’t progressing.

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Stripe Pants

For me, it’s also super frustrating to know that I want something really bad but to be unsure of what the other person involved wants. Like I said, it’s really hard for me to just kind of sit in the middle. I’m not saying that I jump into relationships, I’ve had so few of them but I know when I want something, and I don’t want just everything. I’m very picky about who I spend my time with because I’ve been let down quite a few times, so my time is precious. I don’t spend time with just anybody unless I’m positive that this could be something.

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Vans

The middle is comfortable for some people though, and that’s what annoys me. We aren’t all middle people. Some people, like myself, like to know what the hell is going on. I think people assume that once you tell someone you like them, you have to date. I’m not asking to date you, I’m just asking if you like me or not. It’s actually quite simple to tell someone you like them. That’s what I don’t get, I don’t understand how some people can’t be honest and say it. Instead, it’s like a game, and I don’t do games. I cut people off once I realize they’re playing a game because I can’t do it and I don’t put up with that. If a guy wants to play a game, they can go play it with another girl because I definitely won’t be doing that. Maybe that’s one of my downfalls. I don’t settle for just anybody because I know what I’m worth and once someone is messing with my worth, they’re gone. If I feel in the slightest that they don’t realize and respect that I’m a human with feelings and emotions, just like them, I cut them off. It’s really easy for me to stop caring about a person which, is a downfall. I only give out so many chances before I have to protect myself and walk away and unfortunately, I don’t see that happening more. I see a lot of girls sticking around for relationships that aren’t going anywhere and 99% of the time, it leaves the girl hurt because the male in the equation is the one that calls the shots. Processed with VSCO with s2 preset

I think as a creator, influencer, blogger, whatever you want to call it, you’re supposed to portray this perfect life that’s put together, and you have the ideal filter for everything. But, I’m not that perfect person, and while I may act like I have my shit together, I most certainly don’t. I have the same problems that ever other single twenty-something girl has, and I’m not scared to admit it. Life is a mess, and it’s even harder to figure out when somebody is a middle person and the other isn’t.

Well, here we are.

Well, here we are.

This post is going to be a bit different than my normal outfit posts. It’s going to be a bit of a more emotional post and definitely longer so buckle up, we’ve got a lot to cover. This past year in my life has been really, really weird for me. But it’s been weird in a good way. I guess I’ll start from the beginning of last school year and take you guys along to where I’m at now.

So, beginning of last August I moved into my first apartment and as exciting as that sounds and truly was, it wasn’t. I didn’t realize the concept of money that well and I didn’t plan. I learned things the hard way when November hit and realized I didn’t have enough money for rent (yes, I had a job and a decent paying job at that but look, ya girl loves clothes and more importantly, loves food) because I had spent it all on groceries and other unnecessary items. So the rest of the year was a catch-up year for me. I was making ends meet, and I was paying rent, paying for groceries, I was paying for it all, but that didn’t leave much room for having fun. I was still able to go out, but I was worried about the cost of cover and stupid things like that. So that caused a world of stress.

In August I went through formal recruitment again, and I didn’t get into the chapter I originally wanted, and that’s fine. I went into recruitment with a preconceived idea of what I wanted, and it turns out, that wasn’t for me. The chapter that was for me wasn’t even on campus yet. So yes. I joined the new sorority, and that nickname stuck with us. Everyone that joined would kind of get the “oh you’re in that new sorority, ” and people definitely thought we joined because we couldn’t get into a better chapter but truth be told, my chapter is the best. There, I said it. My chapter was the best chapter for me, and that’s all that matters. So anyway, I joined the new sorority called Alpha Omicron Pi, and I gave it my all. I gave it everything I had, and I met an incredible group of girls. I met the most hardworking, genuine and devoted girls than I had ever met before. And no, I didn’t pay for my friends, they came naturally. They came naturally because we all shared the same underlying beliefs and ideas of how things should be. Yes, when you put 100+ girls in a room you’re going to have groups and fights, but the fights were like fights with a sibling because at the end of the day, we ARE sisters and we ARE family, and we DO love each other.

In October I started dating the one person I fought through hell for and it was good. I finally had what I wanted, and I couldn’t really complain. October was fun and a lot of good things were happening.

In November I had the honor of attending the partnership event with Vercase and the Born This Way Foundation in Chicago. With that, I was able to speak at the event and share how the Born This Way Foundation has helped me and many other people. I also was able to share my experience with cyberbullying, how it affected me and how I rose above that. Yes, that was in middle school but what people don’t realize is that it sticks with you. The way I view people, the way I act, the way I do things, it’s all because of what happened to me in middle school. ALSO, I HAD THE BEST VEGAN RUEBEN OF MY LIFE THERE.

In December I went to England and wow, incredible. I spent three weeks there with my then boyfriend, his family, his friends and let me tell you, it was crazy. For starters, I’m not the most outgoing person in the world as most of you know. My Instagram may perceive me as a super outgoing, social person but I’m not. I’m super shy so interacting with alllll new people for a solid three weeks was crazy. THE FOOD. Oh my god the food. Guys, I still talk about those stupid mince pies, just ask my mom.

I came back from England in January, basically the shape of a basketball. Okay, not really but I definitely did gain some weight because I ate all the food and drank all the wine. You win some, you lose some and I definitely lost because I wasn’t happy with how I felt and it was because of how puffy I felt. Winter break was coming to an end, and I didn’t want to go back to school. I hadn’t wanted to go back to school since I started there in August 2015. My parents joke that I couldn’t have my car there my freshman year because I would have packed up my room and made it home before they did when they helped me move in and they’re probably right. I wouldn’t have stayed because I wasn’t happy there but I tried to be. I wasn’t in the right friend group my freshman year so that didn’t help me but this year was different. I had the friends, but it still wasn’t clicking. I still wasn’t happy, and so I cried the entire three-hour drive back. And this is where the fun begins…

I got back to school and tried to have the time of my life. But I somehow couldn’t. I couldn’t get myself to enjoy it how everybody around me was. I’d see snapchats of people out, and I was jealous because I didn’t enjoy it like they did. I knew from the start that this wasn’t my home, but it was their home. This is where they wanted to go to school, not where I wanted to go. Sure it didn’t help that I would probably rather stay in more than some people but, I didn’t like it.

In February is when I started to feel a real change. I had this idea in my head that I couldn’t shake. I couldn’t get over the idea that I didn’t think I wanted to be with my boyfriend anymore. The same guy I fought for, for over a year. The girl who saw a future with somebody woke up one day and didn’t see that anymore. But the truth is, I didn’t just wake up and see that, it was gradual and I felt it. I expected it after some of the things that happened in England, but I threw those thoughts in the back of my mind and went on with my life.

Mind you that this boyfriend of mine lived in Colorado at the time so I went to visit that week of spring break and well, that sealed the deal for me. We already had other things going on at the time, but he pushed it off because it didn’t fit his schedule like how other things didn’t fit with what he wanted. So for that week, I sat in an apartment. Not just while he was gone, but while he was there too. We literally didn’t do anything besides for one day. I’m not the type of person who needs to be constantly doing something or doing extravagant things but come on, nobody and I mean literally, NOBODY wants to just sit in an apartment for an entire week. So tell me how much that would seal the deal of what you’ve already been feeling. So I came home from that trip and decided to give him a second chance. Or well, so I told him. I got home and couldn’t do that. I kept trying, I really did. But everything at that point was annoying me. Everything was how he wanted it, and I’m a very “I’ll do what I want” type of person, so that didn’t go well with me. Ok, clearly it did for a year and a half, but I got tired of it. I just realized that I couldn’t do that again with everything I was feeling, I needed to end it.

April came, and I still hadn’t ended it but I couldn’t at that time. But then again, he couldn’t be there for something I needed after everything I did for him. I needed one thing, and he couldn’t be there. So after that, I ended it and never looked back. The beginning of April was terrible, but after that, it was freeing. I had never felt more free than I had for the last year and a half. I was free to do what I wanted when I wanted. One thing I was able to do was to go out and do whatever I wanted. He claimed he knew people that would watch me when I went out. So if I went home with my group of GIRLS, I would receive 14 calls that night wondering why I went home with somebody. Sorry, didn’t know my friends were a big deal. But okay. Not only would I wake up to 14 calls, but I’d also wake up to texts from my mom because, during a majority of the relationship, he felt the need to run to my mom everything I didn’t do something how he wanted me to. So…since I wasn’t doing things on his terms, he hacked my Instagram. Mmhmm, yup. Got on my Instagram account and then tried to say someone in my sorority did it and sent him screenshots from it. But, he couldn’t tell me who and tried to make me turn on my friends by telling me it was somebody in my group. What a pathetic move. I learned my worth real quick and didn’t put up with that so it was over just like that and I never once looked back because fuck him for that.

The summer was freeing, and it was amazing. I was living life for me, not for anybody else. I was doing what I wanted, when I wanted. I was talking to someone I definitely shouldn’t have been but that made it fun. It made it exciting. I was happy, and that’s all that mattered. I didn’t think about the boy who held me back. I went on a date with someone who encouraged me to start all of this, and here we are now, THANK YOU. I figured out my diet and what works for me. I figured out that I really do like eating healthy which is funny because, in high school, I didn’t give a shit. Well, I did. I wanted to be “skinny, ” but ate whatever I wanted, or I would really restrict my food and calories which isn’t good. So I’ve been eating a vegetarian diet for over 2 years and a vegan diet for almost 2 years (holy shit that sounds crazy! How is that even possible) and I was a total junk food vegan for the loooongest time and yeah I felt better but not my best. So this summer I finally figured out that vegetables and fruits really do make me feel good. So for once, I was finally the happiest I had ever been with my body and my mind, and that felt amazing.

So August came, school started, and I was heading back to Springfield not happy about it. For me, it had always been one of those where I’d say I was going to transfer but I never did and I always gave Missouri State one more chance, but I couldn’t do it again. I hated it, again. So, I got a new job in St. Louis which required me to be home a lot (which I loved), and then I made the decision that I was tired of being unhappy. I was tired of not wanting to go back to school because I should love where I was going but I couldn’t love it like everybody else was. I couldn’t love it like the people around me so I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I left.

So this brings me to now. I learned a lot about myself and about life during this past year and a half which I don’t regret. I learned that whatever I want for myself, I have to go out and get for myself. I learned the value of money. I learned the value of people, and I learned how to cut people out of my life that don’t add value, and I learned how to be happy with me, and that’s the most important thing. I wanted to go this whole post without referencing Taylor Swift, but she said ” she lost him but found herself, and somehow that was everything, ” and that’s so true. I did lose him, I did that to myself but I also found myself and learned how to love myself and laugh at myself, and I’d take that over a boy any day.

Recently I had somebody walk away and completely shift my entire point of view of myself. I know that may make me seem weak, but honestly, I think it makes me seem vulnerable, and unfortunately, I do wear my heart on my sleeve. After my last relationship, I built myself up, and I was doing better than I ever had been. I was comfortable in my body, I was confident, and I was living life for myself. I was doing what I wanted when I wanted to and how I wanted. It seemed to shift when I had to question whether this person actually liked me or not. I heard all of these great things, but I didn’t really see it. I was being told everything he knew I wanted to hear, but I didn’t see that payoff. So once again, I put everything I had into something just for the other person to not give me the same. Your worth is notdetermined by a boy who doesn’t see all the good that you are. BUT, I also have to remember how far I have come in just a few months. If you asked me last November if I thought I’d be where I was now, there’s no way in hell I would say yes. So, with that being said, girls, go out and make the future you want for YOURSELF because nobody is going to give it to you. Everything that you want in life is 100% maintainable as long as you work hard for it. Things aren’t going to come easy to you. Your dream job isn’t going to land on your lap one day, and your dream guy most certainly isn’t going to come to you without being the best version of yourself. Work at the relationships you want to built and cut off the dead ends from your life because all we have are ourselves. So don’t look back in a year, 5 years or 10 years and wish you would have been happier back then, go make that happen. But also remember that you are solid gold, and nobody can take that away from you, no matter how “cool” the guy is or seems to be because let’s be honest, he’s probably an asshole anyway. Remember this, fuck boys are friends with fuck boys. So chances are if he’s friends with them, he is one, or they will encourage him to act like one. He doesn’t like you if he just wants you for your body and you don’t owe him that. Just have fun in life and laugh your way through it because if you can’t laugh at yourself, nobody can.

The Boy Who Changed Me

she lost him.jpg

I used to think that we were supposed to be together. I didn’t realize that just because you’ve known someone for 6 years, that doesn’t mean you have to love them. You don’t even have to like them. Even after knowing someone for so long, you might now actually know them.

Our story was simple. I was never “good enough” for you because no matter what I did, I never got your approval. It was a constant back and forth of seeking your approval and you being embarrassed to be with me. I didn’t realize that this wasn’t a relationship. I should have known this when you were “too cool” to talk to me. But I didn’t want to accept that. I thought we were supposed to be together. We aren’t and I know that now. I should have known that from the beginning. It was so clear that it was never a healthy relationship. I was constantly fighting for the attention I wanted, while I was only what you wanted when it was convenient for you. Not when I needed you the most. Sure, you were there for me at times but you also made me do things I didn’t want to do. You treated me like I owed you the world when I didn’t owe you anything. I don’t have to do what you want me to do.

The struggle for power was real. You had to have control at all times. You had to make the decisions. It was all up to you. In fact, I don’t think during those years I made any decision regarding “us”. I kept fighting to win you over but you only came back when I was your last option. I was always there and I shouldn’t have been. I allowed you to walk all over me and take advantage of me because I thought I loved you. It turns out, I didn’t even know what love was.

I should have known that I shouldn’t be falling apart on the bathroom floor over someone I “love”. I shouldn’t be hurting more than I was happy. I shouldn’t be in a relationship where you’re constantly seeking the approval from your friends. In a relationship, you should want me to be around, but you didn’t. You never wanted me around because I wasn’t good enough for you or for your group of friends. I allowed you to destroy me.

More nights than not, I was hurting because of you. I spent 4 years fighting for you when you never once proved yourself to me. You would text me just to let me down a few days later constantly getting my hopes up. Because of this, I spent my time living in the future, where we were together. All I wanted was to be with you but that wasn’t the same for you. I hurt myself in the process of trying to make myself good enough for you. But my good enough is never good enough for you, and that’s okay.

After you left, you kept trying to come back and each time I let you in again, I had to break down the walls that you built up. The same walls I built up because of you, I broke down for you. I was vulnerable and hopeful, just to be hurt a thousand times. But eventually, I moved on. I learned what I don’t want in a relationship. I learned that I don’t want someone who hurts me more than loves me. I learned that I don’t want to be scared of the person I think I’m supposed to be with. I don’t want to be with you. When I lost you, I thought it was the end of the world but in reality, I learned who I am. I learned who I am without you and I love that person so much. I love who I’ve become without you in my life. I’ve become independent and I no longer feel like I need a relationship to be happy. I can be happy without a boy in my life. When we were “together” I thought the only way to be happy was to be with you but in retrospect, I am a thousand times happier without you. I’ve never felt so carefree in my life because I don’t have to worry about you or being good enough for you and your group of friends. I love that. I love that I don’t need you. Since fully moving on, I’ve learned that I can love and be loved in a much deeper, better way than what I thought was right. I let you dictate my self worth and what I’ve learned is that I am so much more worthy than some boy who doesn’t think so. I am not unworthy just because you think so. So I ask you one simple thing, please don’t come back into my life until you’ve learned that I am worthy.

“She lost him but found herself and somehow that was everything.”